i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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