Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
