I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
