bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The Olympian is in my bed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
