my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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