my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
50% drunk capacity currently
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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