we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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