So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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