ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
