I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
