when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
