Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
