last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
