what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
