We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
