mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
