All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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