I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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