The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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