When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
