The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
