I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
