is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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