All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
