after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you inspire me to be a worse person
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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