i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
