these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
