so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
