dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
