I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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