You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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