was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
