$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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