It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
