i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
