i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
