you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
