So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
