I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
