***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she told me i tasted like america
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
