Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He better not be in your backpack
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
