Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
