literally had 100 drinks last night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
