that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
