yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
