So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
