I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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