Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
