Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
