my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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