the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
