I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
