When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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