I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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