that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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