The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
