How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
