did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
