The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
