K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
