People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
