he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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